When I got born again (John 3:3,7, 1 Peter 1:23) in 2007/08 I was a fat mess! Literally! I weighed 230-250 pounds easily. I had been overweight or fighting it for most of my life. Our family of six lived in a three-bedroom single-wide mobile home on someone else’s property. I was a straight HEATHEN! I didn’t want to be a heathen. My mother and grandmother raised me, and I was not raised by heathens. My wonderful husband was not a heathen! But I was so corrupted by television, what I was taught in school, my peers once I entered the workforce, you name it. Here is my testimony of how God has completely transformed every aspect of my life, and I know without a doubt that the best is yet to come!

Notice above that not only do I not know the exact date that I was born again (John 3:3,7, 1 Peter 1:23), but I also am not sure if it was late 2007 or early 2008! I am not even sure I wasn’t born again as a child! What I do remember is the very moment that I followed Joel Osteen (Matthew 12:33, Galatians 5:22-26) and prayed the prayer of salvation as an adult. My life has been on a mostly upward (Isaiah 28:9-12, Hebrews 5:14) transformation since that very moment! Whatever date and time it was…is not really that important to me (Matthew 23:24). I am rejoicing because I know without a doubt that my name is written in heaven (Luke 10:20). Here is my testimony (Revelation 12:11): Jesus is LORD (Romans 14:11-13).

My Idea of Men

I had a hatred for men without really realizing it at the time because of some of the same reasons and because I had not had any good male role models. Feminism had already begun penetrating my belief system back then. I was being indoctrinated by the media to hate men simply because of their gender (Galatians 5:19-21). It is so clear now! I was completely blinded (2 Corinthians 4:4).

Wesley and I loved each other, and I was pretty crazy about him! But I didn’t treat him or think of him with any real respect or high expectations (Ephesians 5:33). I always expected him to fall for someone else and divorce me and walk away from our family (Proverbs 9:13). That was one of my fears because that is what I thought men do (Ephesians 4:23). That was the only reason I would treat him as well as I did–out of fear of abandonment (Hebrews 13:5) I had no idea how to trust God (1 Peter 5:6-7)!

Desires of Your Heart

I remember looking at our two oldest sons, toddlers at the time and suddenly feeling horror as I realized they were going to grow up to be men.

I have always loved my family and wanted to be a good wife and mother (Proverbs 31:10-31). God has given every woman these desires and wants to bring them to pass (Psalm 37:4). I was the best wife and mother that I knew how to be. Thank God, I have an awesome mother who loved us and did everything she knew to be the best Mama ever! She has always been so kind and generous to everyone she meets. I always wanted to be just like her! Wesley would tell you that I have always been an excellent wife and mother. That’s what he always tells me when I bring up how horrible I was–I think he must choose to see no fault in me (Colossians 1:22)! I thank God for him too!

Church Experience

Some of the Christians I did have contact with at church were wonderful and loving, and I look back now and realize that they knew/know Jesus (John 17:3).

Unfortunately, quite a few people who were attending church services were mean, hateful, judgemental, and condemning like the “Tares Among the Wheat” (Matthew 13:24-30, Matthew 7:21-23). You know, they did just the opposite of all those things Jesus teaches us in the “Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7, Luke 6:27-49); The Beatitudes (Luke 6:20-26)” in the Bible! Needless to say, once I hit a certain age, I mostly hated church and avoided going at all costs (Matthew 23:15). I didn’t like the way I felt about myself, and I didn’t know how to change. But at the same time, I wanted to be included (Matthew 23:13). I remember hearing the Bible and feeling drawn (Proverbs 30:5), but then the preacher would put the Bible down (Romans 10:17)! Please stop putting the Bible down (Romans 10:14-15)!!! It was horrible (Mark 7:13); I was condemned in church (John 3:17, Matthew 9:10-13).

Headed to Hell

People would ask me, “Where are you going?” I would say in response to my friends, “To hell if I don’t change!” And laugh about it. Deep down, I secretly wondered (Psalm 139:6-8)! I didn’t want to go to hell. But I knew I was not a good person like I pretended to be. I pretended to be better around people I knew were “better than me.” And I let loose (in the worst ways) around those I wanted to impress in other ways.

I wasn’t putting on different “hats” or changing my behavior depending on who I was dealing with like the same person with different roles as follows:

• Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
• Wife, mother, daughter, friend
• Boss, co-worker, acquaintance

These roles are occupied by the same person who doesn’t change, but they must treat others based on their roles and behaviors. No, I would change masks to look like I had morality and integrity that I could drop like a hot potato. I was a deceiver (2 Timothy 3:13)!

Then, I Did Change

I got married to the most wonderful man that I know, Wesley Bice! We started having a family. I completely changed most of my “ways (Matthew 23:26).” My focus shifted from partying and seeking self-gratification to being the best wife and mother that I knew how to be. That was so hard!

I was now at war (Romans 7:14-25) with “still seeking self-gratification” versus “putting my family first.” Thanks to my awesome mother and grandmother and extended family, I had some sense of right and wrong. Thanks to my mother’s awesome example, I knew I wanted to be a loving, caring, providing mother. I thank God for my beautiful Mama!!!

My Awesome Husband

Wesley had some awesome Christian upbringing too. His precious mother would watch Billy Graham on television, and he remembers hearing the gospel preached on a regular basis in his home. They attended church some too. Wesley remembers me riding the same church bus when we were children. I used to think that he was just as twisted in his thinking as I was. I have said so many things about him that were not true because I thought he was just as messed up in his beliefs as I was. He didn’t watch nearly as much television as I did because he was outside playing or terrorizing the neighborhood. haha. And, he heard the Word much more than I did. We went to church some while we were dating and after we got married too.

We both had some bad habits that we wanted to stop because we wanted a better life for ourselves and mostly for each other. Thanks to our parents (Proverbs 22:6), God (Jeremiah 31:33), and His Word (2 Timothy 3:14-17) that we had heard (Romans 10:17), we knew right from wrong (Malachi 2:17).

Born Again

Wesley and I had a pretty good marriage until after I got saved (Luke 12:51-53). Once I got saved and started reading the Bible, I started examining my husband! (1 Corinthians 11:28-31) I was examining myself too but foolishly judging Wesley. So I blamed him for everything like a fool (Proverbs 14:1)! Come to think of it, I was examining and judging everyone (2 Corinthians 10:12)!

I went straight out of the “woman caught in the act of adultery” ditch (John 8:3-11) to the “Pharisee saying, ‘Thank you God that I am so much holier than anyone else on the face of the earth” ditch (Luke 18:10-14)! I went straight from the Prodigal to the older brother (Luke 15:11-32). Yuk! I would rather be the filthy whore and prodigal than the very deceived religious dead guys–the older brother and Pharisees (2 Peter 2:21)! Both are completely miserable.

I received Jesus as a child and was baptized by the one good male role model I had for a few months. I thank God for him. He bought me a Bible, told me to read it, and took our family to church. Then he left us. So sad! He may not have been very mature in Christ, but at least he was trying.

Born Again…Again???

So, I have two separate occasions that I was “saved, born again, or received Jesus”** right in the paragraph above. You can’t lose your salvation as you lose your car keys. I do believe that after you receive Jesus as Lord and Savior that you can intentionally choose to reject Him once you reach a certain level of knowledge (Hebrews 6:4-6). Just as good parents will retrieve a runaway child and bring them back to the safety of their home, our loving Father will not allow us to renounce Him. But, when a child reaches a certain age of maturity, the parents have no legal rights to protect them or bring them back (2 Timothy 3:8, Titus 1:16).

**All of these are synonymous when talking about receiving the free gift of eternal salvation from God.

Regardless if I was saved or not as a child, I was miserable in sin as an adult (2 Corinthians 7:10). I was not living the abundant life that Jesus came for us to have (John 10:10). But I was certainly living a very self-destructing life (Romans 1:28-32). I thought everyone was out to get me. I came very close to having a nervous breakdown right before God sent His Saints from every direction at once to rescue me (Romans 8:1-3)! Thank you, Wesley Bice, for seeking God, Bethlehem East Baptist Church, for being the hands and feet of Jesus, and Life Choice Pregnancy Center!

The Dog and the Sow

As an adult, married with four children, I couldn’t remember being saved and baptized as a child. So, was I saved as a child? Lost or backslidden? Born again…again? There is no such thing as being born again, again by the way (Hebrews 6:4-6). I really believe that I was born again. But with no discipling or Bible study, I was like the fool in Proverbs 26:11.

When I was desperate, I remember crying out to God and knowing that He was there (2 Kings 20:5, Jeremiah 3:12-15, 21-25, Hosea 11:7, 14:4). This was always right smack dab in the middle of my trampling all over the ten commandments (Exodus 20, Deuteronomy 5:7-21) and Jesus’ teachings (John 14-16). I was acting like a slobbering nasty abandoned dog in heat. He was patiently waiting for me to turn from my wickedness so He could heal me. I would cry out to the God I didn’t know, and I remember this comfort and love that I wanted to remain! I wanted to feel that way all the time. He would just hold me and comfort me, and I would know at that moment that I was loved and even special. Then I would go back to what I did know.

But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire.

2 Peter 2:22

I Just Wanted to Feel Good!

At that time, I just wanted to feel good about myself, about something or anything! I was always searching for something. What or Who? I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I knew there was something or someone bigger! My grandmother would tell me that God was in control when I would be afraid as a child. And I knew He was supposed to be good. I knew when I cried out to Him that I would feel good about myself at that moment. Now I understand that God cannot stand to see us choosing death (1 Peter 3:12).

I remember telling people for whatever reason the subject came up that I believed in God and Jesus, but I wasn’t a Christian and didn’t want to be. I didn’t really know what it meant to be a Christian, and I certainly didn’t know that Jesus is God.

Discipleship is Crucial

We, the church, have got to wake up (Ephesians 5:14)! I spent years, from 2008 to 2019, with no real discipleship! We had magazines or materials that would talk about judging the world for gambling or drinking etc. That is not discipleship but the opposite of what Jesus taught (Matthew 7:1-2, Luke 6:37). Jesus said to go into all the world and teach them His commands, preach the gospel, be baptized with the Holy Ghost, and lay hands on the sick, and they will recover (Matthew 28:19, Mark 16:15-18, Luke 24:45-49, Acts 1:5, 8). This is the Word of God and is talking about “those who believe” not “those who are superduper!”

Through Discipleship, we can learn how to hear God’s voice (John 10:16, 27). We can learn why much of the church is most ignorant in the very area, spiritual gifts, that the Apostle Paul would not have us be ignorant (1 Corinthians 12:1).

A Party Going On!

Disciples, we should at least have a party going on in our minds (Colossians 1:21) most of the time! God wasn’t warning us that music, wine, or feasting is a sin!

And the harp, and the viol, the tabret, and pipe, and wine, are in their feasts: but they regard not the work of the LORD, neither consider the operation of his hands.

Isaiah 5:12

Just like Job’s kids didn’t invite righteous Job (Job 1:1-3, 8) to their parties (Job 1:4, 13, 18-19) and disregarded his sacrifices and many provisions for them (Job 1:5), God’s own kids are rejecting His unlimited provision! Just repent by simply praying sincerely: Lord, I turn from my ways and thoughts to Yours. Amen! and get born again or discipled! Hallelujah! Let’s party!!!

Life Eternal is Now My Testimony

True life eternal as Jesus defines it, is knowing God and Jesus Christ whom God has sent (John 17:3).

In this family photo in 2018, because of the transformation that renewing my mind by the washing of the Word was creating, I was staying about 200 pounds even though I was still a very confused Christian (1 Corinthians 14:33)! You can read more of my testimony and why I created this website on the “About Page,” “My Salvation Story,” and “My Personal Testimony.”

Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light:

Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son:

In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins:

Who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature:

Colossians 1:12-15

Fat Mess to Highly Favored and Blessed

I now weigh 178 pounds! And instead of slowly gaining, I am slowly but surely losing weight almost effortlessly! As a family of four, we are now renting a four-bedroom house. Life is still hard! But, thanks to God and His faithfulness, I know how to cultivate healthy relationships with the most important people in my life, my family! Wesley and I are enjoying our marriage and each other and look forward to our future together. We are excited about God’s plans for us and each member of our family. We are still studying and growing in many areas of our lives because we know that God is only in control of what we joyfully submit to Him. As growing Christians, we are excited to know that it is our responsibility to respond to His ability and He brings the super to our natural!

But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

Hebrews 11:6

Transformation Comes Naturally

Romans 12 starts out telling us to present our bodies as a living sacrifice and then immediately tells us how to do that in the very next verse. In Ephesians 5:26-27, Paul explains beautifully that Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it (Ephesians 5:25). The only effort on our part is to receive, through prayer, salvation through that gift of God, the finished work of Jesus on the cross. But, we must continue to consume the Word and be consumed by it which is allowing Jesus to wash our feet (John 13:8-14) to experience life now (John 10:10).

Youwillwantto know God and know who you are in Him!