Wesley and I are starting a series on marriage.

With the divorce rate being the same in the church as it is outside, is it possible to have a happy, exciting, fun, and pleasurable marriage?

YES! And the Bible teaches us how.

We are going to talk about a few Bible verses and how this excellent instruction applies to marriage.

Watch Marriage Series Part 1 on YouTube

First, Examine yourself (Matthew 7:1-5).

Ask yourself, “Am I obeying God’s word towards my spouse?”

Second, I should not expect ANYTHING from my spouse! What?

That’s right. When you try to bring correction to others (even good godly/biblical correction), you are asking them to rip you to shreds. You don’t even realize that you are being a hypocrite (Matthew 7:5). Hypocrisy is disgusting and unattractive. It even makes Jesus want to vomit (Revelation 3:16).

Dogs and Pigs?

Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you. – Matthew 7:6 KJV

If your spouse is an unbeliever or a religious hypocrite, any correction you try to bring will cause wrath. In Matthew 7:1-5, Jesus reminds us how to love others unconditionally by not judging them. And, He teaches us why in Matthew 7:6.

Ask, Seek, Knock

Then, in Matthew 7:7-10, Jesus instructs us to go to God only to get our needs and wants met. Expect to receive nothing from your spouse, but believe and receive everything from your Father (Mark 11:24)

Then, He reminds us again that we, being evil, have no place to look down on another human being. We are not God. And He is so much better than we can even think of being even when we are at our best (Matthew 7:11).

Finally, Jesus teaches us what we now refer to as the golden rule in Matthew 7:12.

Only Love One Another

Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. – Romans 13:8 NKJV

One mistake that I have been guilty of is justifying my disobedience while growing frustrated with Wesley for not meeting my expectations – realistic or not!

I would watch and listen to teachings on marriage and would try so hard to do everything they were teaching. Then, I would expect Wesley to work just as hard to do everything I perceived they were teaching husbands.

Thank God, I was spending time reading the Bible and talking with Jesus. He teaches a much better way! Jesus’ teachings are perfect for improving marriage and all relationships.

Where do we get the crazy expectations anyway???

I am glad you asked. We get many crazy expectations and unrealistic ideas about our mates from the world and then these even bleed over into the marriage courses taught by the church.

Another huge problem is the misinterpretation of the Scriptures by a few. And then the majority of the church doesn’t read the Bible for themselves. We are also taught to only go to God to ask for help instead of hanging out with Jesus, hearing Him and His awesome instructions. If only we would get the instructions, we would know what to do in every situation before crisis and tragedy hit.

Never See Death?

Jesus promises that if we keep His word, we will never see death. I believe this is true in every aspect of life including marriage.

Of course, the hypocrites didn’t believe Jesus. Like their father, the devil, they accused Him of having a devil and even twisted His word! Even Christians taste death all the time. The same thief that comes to steal, kill, and destroy tries to shove death down our throats, twists God’s word, and then accuses Jesus and us of evil!

Truly, truly, I say to you, if any one keeps my word, he will never see death.” The Jews said to him, “Now we know that you have a demon. Abraham died, as did the prophets; and you say, ‘If any one keeps my word, he will never taste death.’ – John 8:51-52 RSV

Jesus explains the importance of daily fellowship with Him through His written word. It is how you can know that you do love Him (John 14:23-24).

Misconceptions About Marriage

Don’t men NEED sex?

Yes (1 Corinthians 7:1). Just as much as women do (1 Corinthians 7:2-6). And, not necessarily (1 Corinthians 7:7-8).

But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. – 1 Corinthians 7:9 ESV

We are all different with different needs and wants. The Bible teaches us that this is okay and even by God’s design. Again, it is important not to judge others or compare yourself to others.

Marriage Moments

Our desires can even change from moment to moment.

Spouses often wonder, “Why were you looking at me with those bedroom eyes one moment, and then I say something that makes me thank God that looks can’t kill?”

Yes. Exactly.

So seriously, what are some expectations we tend to place on each other?

Sex

Is it unrealistic to expect to have sex in marriage?

Again, No! At least it shouldn’t be. Especially not for Christians.

How about financial security?

I have heard marriage teaching that women should expect financial security from their husbands.

What about household chores?

Should I help you cook and clean?

Is that question sexist coming from a husband?

Wesley and I are excited that the Bible does address all of these topics and so much more. God’s instruction has been and continues to be a blessing to our marriage. We pray that your marriage is blessed as well.

The Marriage Takeaway

No matter what your spouse expects from you, you are only obligated to love your spouse. Give yourself and your spouse grace and mercy. Begin with the greatest commandments to begin rebuilding or fortifying your marriage today.

Let’s remember that your spouse is not obligated to even love you unless they choose to be. That’s right. I should never take it for granted that Wesley is committed to our marriage, to obeying God, or to anything. I am thankful that he is! We are aware going into this teaching series that not everyone has that blessing.

If you are strong in these areas we are teaching, praise God! If you are weak, ask Him for clarity and any other help. He is willing and wants you to have a great marriage more than you do.

Because your spouse may be a strong mature Christian, an unbeliever, or a religious hypocrite, our marriage material is focused on one-sided marriage. It only takes one person to begin the healing process. You are ultimately responsible for yourself, your choices, and your self-control.

If you study, meditate, and ask yourself if and how you can improve your attitude and perceptions about marriage, your spouse will thank you and begin to desire to improve as well.

Topics We Will Cover This Week

• Love
• Sex
• Communication
• Finances
• Household chores
• Commitment

What is Love?

The Bible says that love covers. It does not expose.

How important is sex?

Very! We can hardly wait to talk about how important sex is in marriage according to the Apostle Paul. You don’t need to point out 1 Corinthians 7 to convince your spouse. Obedience to God’s word makes you very attractive to your spouse. Let’s wait and do it God’s way (Genesis 2:25).

Communication

The Bible explains how to communicate and how very important it is.

Finances

Who is responsible for bringing home the bacon?

Household Chores

Who is cooking that bacon?

Commitment

Marriage is a covenant between husband, wife, and God. Marriage is a commitment that should never be taken for granted.

A Marvelous Marriage

There is so much more to having a marvelous marriage, but this week’s topics will be a great starter.

Let’s pray for our marriage.

Father,

We thank you for the gift of marriage and your teachings on how to have a blessed union. Teach us how to love our mates. Lord, reveal ways that we have erred and help us to humble ourselves and be quick to apologize and to forgive. Thank You for revealing in Your word that we have all sinned and fallen short of your glory. We pray that we will receive all of your blessings knowing that we are blessed by You to be a blessing to our spouse and family. Amen!